Friday, April 17, 2009

Just shut up already. It's my turn.

I am so sick of everytime I am around someone they have to brag about this person and that person who has lost weight with no effort. Ya know I have been placed at the back of everything all my life.

There was always some excuse. My cousin needed my moms attention more. My sister was more needy and I was smart and could take care of myself.
Ya know at 30 freaking 4 I would like a little credit without having someone try to stand in MY sunlight.

I work hard.
I work my ass off in fact.
I guzzle down water even when I don't want it.
I go to the gym when I really don't want to
and you know what I REALLLLY want sweet stuff and mac and cheese and the other foods I know that I can't eat.

I am tired of being invisible. I am tired of people who are trying to take my confidence away and the pride of what I have accomplished.
Am I jealous? Yes I am. But I am a people pleaser and I have been in the back for far to long. What will it take to get to shine for once?

My sister was put in the hospital last night for a high heart rate and elevated wbc. Today I tried to call to check on her and no answer. I texted. No answer.
I entertained the thought of overeating but I know that is a trigger and I won't give in.

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