Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Most won't admit..but I will

I guess I am going to make my first blog where people stand back and say wow this woman is honest. I don't believe in holding back esp. when it comes to a journey like this.
I know if I have gone through it someone out there is going through the same thing.

The subject: sex

My husband has never never had a problem with his weight. In fact she weighs about 180 pounds and is over 6'3. He is a very attractive guy and I do love him.
He is an excellent father and an excellent provider. He is ALOT immature but I can say at times that has kept me from just being an idiot and taking my own life. Yes people obesity is that bad.

When I met my husband I was 15..well that is when we started dating. I met him when I was 12 and we hated each other lol. I wasn't thin but I wasn't obese either.

We married young and I went through a rebellious stage and we ended up splitting up several times. We had 2 beautiful children.

My weight has slowly gone up and he is still with me.
He has stuck with my moods, my bitchiness, and a variety of other things. Yes he had an affair.
Do I truly blame him?
yes and no.

I have gone and am going through periods of not being intimate with him for months and months at a time.
Not because I am not attracted to him but because I am DISGUSTED with myself. I go through period of time people that I don't look at myself in the mirror for weeks.

I have even given up at times on taking care of myself because I just didn't care.

He does take this personal and I don't blame him.
He has never had to deal with a situation like this.

and some people say just do it Kristy. I DON'T WANT TO EVER just lay there and do something that is so personal.
I want him to be able to look at me and admire what he sees.

He has been pretty supportive with the start of this journey but I am sure just by the way he acts he isn't quite sure if I am being serious or not.
He has NEVER said a thing about my weight. NEVER EVER!
He doesn't have 2.

I am a person who likes to prove people wrong and succeed where most people have failed.
I usually root for the underdog.
I know I am an underdog in this situation.
How many people today succeed without surgery, without a personal trainer and a ton of money to buy food that is healthy?

I think I owe it to my husband and my children to do this for different reasons.
Yet I know that I owe it to myself as well because I can't truly love them until I love myself.

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